Through Thick and Thin
by TheUSofCalzona
Summary: Callie and Arizona hit a wall after five years of happiness. Can they overcome their greatest fears together or will it tear them apart?


A/N - Had this on my LJ and wanted to bring it over!

Cowritten with laurenxx3

* * *

Callie sighed heavily as she slid her key into the front door while juggling an armload of paperwork. No one ever said being a department head was easy.

"Arizona?" she called out after she'd finagled the door open. The worst part of her day, honestly, was the fact that she hadn't seen or talked to Arizona all day.

Not that Arizona had had the day off. She's been up and at the hospital hours before Callie, all smiles and exuberant energy for her tiny human patients. To anyone else, Arizona was back to her old self of perky enthusiasm and glass-half-full attitude.

But Callie knew better. They hadn't had sex in 8 weeks. They had barely touched, had barely spoken beyond simple pleasantries.

They weren't fighting. Callie wished that were the reason for their sudden lack of communication and intimate moments. Of the lack of touches and loving words softly whispered into one another's ears during moments of intense passion.

The reason was worse then a fight.

Callie dropped her keys and the stack of paperwork onto a table by the door, sliding off her leather jacket and tossing it haphazardly onto a nearby chair.

"Arizona?" she called out again, knowing the blonde was home because her car had been in the driveway. Callie started up the stairs, thinking that she heard the shower in their master bathroom running.

"Arizona? Babe?" she called out once again as she knocked lightly on the door to the bathroom. She reached for the doorknob, shocked and slightly upset to find that it was locked.

Arizona was huddled on the floor of the shower, her knees pulled up to her chest so she didn't have to look at the angry scars marring her skin. Her right breast had been removed 75 hours after her doctor had felt a lump during her annual physical.

Callie had been amazing throughout the entire ordeal; taking care of her, making sure her incision had been cared for and healed correctly. She had done everything right and yet Arizona hated her a little bit. Hated her for still having both breasts and taking them for granted.

The water turned cold, so she slowly got to her feet and turned it off. She wrapped two towels and her robe around her body before going into the bedroom. "Oh, you're home," she whispered when she noticed Callie in the room. Arizona avoided her gaze.

Callie had made herself comfortable on the edge of the bed after discovering the locked door, waiting for Arizona to emerge.

"Why was the door locked?" she asked calmly, doing her best not to sound upset. She hated that Arizona had been so distant lately. She just wanted the old Arizona back, breast or no breast.

Arizona kept her back to Callie as she pulled out a t-shirt and pajama pants. "I didn't want you to walk into the bathroom," she whispered, trying not to think about what that meant. "I don't want you to see me without any clothes on," she muttered, turning to go back into the bathroom to get dressed.

Callie sat dumbstruck, confused. She'd seen Arizona plenty of times without her clothes on since the mastectomy. She'd been the one to change bandages, to care for the incision site and even gave her sponge baths while she'd been in the hospital.

Worried by the sudden change, Callie leapt to her feet and crossed the room. "Arizona? Baby, let me in," she called out through the closed, and locked, door, unsuccessful at keeping the mixture of worry and frustration out of her voice.

Arizona shivered at the tone in Callie's voice. She took a deep breath and quickly put her clothes on before opening the door. "Yes, Calliope?" she asked, face to face with the woman that she loved and that loved her. "What do you need?"

"What do I _need_?" Callie repeated the question, a hint of anger in her voice. "What I _need_ is for you to stop acting like I'm a stranger and talk to me. What I _need_ is for you to stop hiding from me, dodging me in the halls and taking on so many cases you never have time to even eat lunch with me." She softened her voice and tone at the shocked expression on Arizona's face. "What I need is the love of my life back."

Arizona's jaw trembled as she let Callie's words wash over her. "Calliope, it's not that easy," she whispered very softly. "It's not easy to just be who I used to be. I'm not her anymore." She kept her tears back, kept them from spilling over onto her cheeks. "Work is the only thing that makes me feel normal again. Please don't ask me to cut back now."

Callie felt her own tears well in her eyes as she fought to hold them back. "I wish you'd let _me_ help you feel normal again," she whispered in a defeated voice before she turned to leave the room, needing a moment to herself before she said something she regretted.

Arizona hurried after Callie, needing a fight. "I am so sorry that this is so hard on you," she said in a snappy voice. "So fucking sorry that _your _entireworld has been turned up side down. Because really, this whole thing is all about you." She yelled her words at Callie's back, two months of anger spilling out.

Callie stopped dead in her tracks, turning to face Arizona. "I get that this is difficult for you, Arizona, I really do. But I can't keep going the way we're going." She took several steps forward as she spoke so that she stood directly in front of her girlfriend, hands on her hips, primed for a fight. "I've been patient with you for the last 8 weeks because I know how difficult this has been for you. I know how emotionally draining this has been, so I backed off. But it's been 8 weeks, Arizona. Eight weeks that I've barely been able to touch you or even have a decent conversation with you. Eight fucking weeks!"

"Then leave," Arizona said, her voice as cold as it had ever been while speaking to Callie. "If you can't fucking handle me right now then leave," she said, her tears breaking free of the barriers she had put in place. "If you can't give me space then maybe you and I aren't meant to be together. Maybe we're not meant to be together forever." Her entire body shook, rejecting the words she had just said.

Callie recoiled in complete and utter shock, her stomach clenching as Arizona's words washed over her. "You-You want me to leave?" she asked, her voice so incredibly small sounding that she barely recognized it. Her worst fears were unfolding right before her very eyes; Arizona didn't want her anymore. Why else would she tell her to leave? Practically _demand_ that she leave?

"I don't know what I want," Arizona said weakly. "I don't know what I can let myself want anymore," she muttered softly. "Until this, until I lost my breast, I wasn't sick, not ever. My world is a little rattled right now." She looked up at Callie, imploring her to understand.

Callie softened a bit at the look of desperation in Arizona's eyes. "I know exactly what you mean, Arizona," she said. "When you were first diagnosed, I felt my entire world falling out from under me because I was so scared that I was going to lose you." A lone tear rolled down her cheek. "I can't lose you. I nearly lost you once and it was the worst month of my entire life. I can't lose you again." She forced Arizona to look at her. "I'm not going anywhere," she stated in a determined voice.

Arizona slowly stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Callie. It felt different to hug her, having Callie's breast right against her chest without her own to buffer it. She closed her eyes and cried into Callie's shoulder. "I love you Calliope. I really don't mean to push you away, but I'm scared."

Callie wrapped her arms around her lover and buried her face into the shorter woman's still-damp hair, inhaling deeply the sweet scent that she's missed so much. "I know," she said softly. "I know you are, but I will always be here for you no matter what you look like. You'll always be beautiful to me. I love you, Arizona." She pulled back slightly and cupped Arizona's cheeks, wiping away her tears with her thumbs. "Just talk to me."

Arizona sniffled and nodded softly. "Why don't you go take a shower? You smell like the inside of an OR. I'll go order us a pizza and we can lay in bed and talk." She wanted something normal, something that made them both happy. Her heart was pounding hard in her chest, knowing it was now or never for her and Callie.

Callie studied her closely for a moment before nodding. "Alright," she said, giving her a quick kiss. "I love you."

"I love you, too."


End file.
